like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
please don't ironically join a cult
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