I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
