You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
