I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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