The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
