Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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