I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
