when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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