Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
