i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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