Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
