my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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