you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
someone owes me an orgasm
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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