Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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