She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
