I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
