legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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