You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
