im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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