i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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