why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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