I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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