id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
