i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
