Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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