how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
