I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
