She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize