Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
