Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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