Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
