her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Enjoy the penises
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
