you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
