Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
