I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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