OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
