Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
