We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
BRING THE BAGELS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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