I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
