i permit you to call me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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