I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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