i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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