Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
