It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
