You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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