I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
