He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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