I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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