After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
