I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
