no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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