Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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