If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
