I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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