I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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