He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Who did Billy Mays play for?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
