Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
