I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
