Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
accomplished twins. life is a go
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
