Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
