And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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