My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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