he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
