Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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