Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
