i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
