My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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