i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
