after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
