break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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