I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
