you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.