If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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