you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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