Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
